Thursday, June 14, 2012

Condoms vs. Tampons, Who Blinks First?

There was a need recently to go shopping for some, ahem, feminine supplies. Not for me, mind you, for a friend! (yeah, right. no one ever believes that) I was with my sister, mother, and all the kids at Target. I went off with my sister for a few things we needed, tampons being one of them, leaving the kids with my mother. I try to avoid taking the kids down the feminine needs aisle. The products provoke too many questions I'm unwilling to answer for another 3 years, at least.

Now I don't know why, but Target shelves all the feminine supplies on the same aisle as the condoms. Why? I bet you it was a man. Some man looking at store layouts decided that since tampons and condoms all relate to "basically the same area" they should be on the same aisle. Right? No, the condoms should be on the man aisle! Right next to the shaving cream and razors and bodywash. The men are the ones using the things, mostly, you know? I would think that men would prefer to have them on their own aisle anyway. It would save us all a lot of embarrassment, but then it wouldn't be as entertaining I guess. Read on!

So, my sister and I walk past the feminine supplies aisle and lo and behold, there is a man there looking at the condoms. I mean, REALLY looking at them, like comparing and reading the boxes. Well, I can't shop for what I need with him there! No, I can't.

I'm the kind of person who puts my feminine supplies at the bottom of the cart, underneath everything, and mixes it in with a bunch of other things on the belt at the register, so it isn't obvious. Hey, what my body is doing is no one's business but mine! So, you see, this man's presence was hindering my shopping progress.

When he saw me looking at him, those few seconds where I mentally debated going up the aisle or not, he quickly, and I mean QUICKLY, put down the boxes he was holding, shoved his hands in his pockets, and stepped back from the shelves. He was embarrassed! But he didn't leave. No. He kept standing there, just staring at the boxes, so I passed by and caught up with my sister again.

ME: "Hey, there's a man on the tampon aisle. He's looking at CONDOMS!"
(We both started giggling, very mature, I know)
MY SISTER: (after she stops laughing) "So what? Just get what you need!"
She's a nurse so not as conscious about the personal aspect of these things as I am. She'll stick her pads in the child's seat right on top of everything else. She doesn't care!
ME: (still laughing) "Dang it! I hate that. Okay, well, let's see who blinks first."

I head back over to the feminine aisle and the guy is still there. I go all the way around and enter from the opposite side, farther away from him. As soon as I come around the corner, though, he and I lock eyes. And then, I couldn't help it, I swear, I smirked at him. I gave him a I-know-what-you-are-buying-and-what-you-are-planning-to-do look, then I snickered.

He blinked. He took off, just bolted from the aisle. Success! I could shop privately. Of course, he could have smirked back with a you-must-be-menstruating look, and a snicker of his own. Maybe all the condom boxes were distracting him. I got what I needed and headed back to my group.

My sister had to buy some other things, so we continued shopping. A few minutes later, we all happened to walk by the feminine aisle, I glanced over, and there he was! Again! Still! I mean, really, how long does it take to pick out a box of condoms? Our eyes locked and I swear I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. He cringed. This poor guy probably hates me and has impotency problems now, hearing my laugh ring out when he's trying to focus on, ahem, romance. I couldn't help it! The whole situation was comical! Why didn't he just grab a box and get on with it?

I whispered to my sister about the guy still being there and we were laughing about it occasionally. It definitely kept us entertained. As we headed to the register, wouldn't you know, guess who was coming toward us? But even better, he was with a WOMAN! Yes!

I looked at him and he looked at me. I raised my eyebrows and just laughed and laughed. I can't be sure what his response was because I was laughing so hard my eyes were watering. The woman definitely gave me a nasty look and they kept walking. Do you think he told her about me? Was I the woman on the condom aisle who wouldn't leave? I had to hold onto the side of the cart so I wouldn't fall on the floor. OMG! Even now I can't help but laugh! I hope he isn't scarred for life. He probably told her, "See? That's why! Next time YOU buy them!"

That's why they should stock the condoms on the MEN'S aisle! So the poor souls buying them won't have to deal with immature women like me.


  1. Oh gosh, poor guy. I can't say I'd have been any less giggly in your position!! Defo think it is good to keep a safe distance between feminine and erm, masculine products!!

    1. I know, I felt sorry for him later and maybe I shouldn't have laughed where he could see me. I honestly don't know what was so funny about it other than his obvious discomfort in shopping for condoms in front of a woman! What do people do when the condoms are in a glass case?! Probably go somewhere else, right? I would!

      Thanks for visiting!